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I don't LJ anymore...

... been a while...

Message me and I'll tell you where to find me.
1. Went to a sliding scale dentist last night with a friend to help keep me calm. Diagnosis is three cracks in molar 14, along with a heavy duty bacterial gum infection.
2. Prescription for antibiotics, GOOD pain killers and some industrial strength mouth wash that could cause cancer if swallowed.
3. Referral to another dentist who will further determine if the tooth is salvageable. If it is, it's root canal time. If not, it's extraction with replacement by a pseudo tooth or a bridge. Yay.
4. My insurance has completely lapsed. Turns out I should never have even been on the state health insurance - my $800 a month from unemployment is means I make way too much fucking money. It just took the county computers 8 months to realize I've been getting health care I don't deserve.
5. An application is being processed to get me back on Minnesota Care - where approval there would be fabulous because it will open a lot of new doors for me in terms of better health care overall - the downside is the soonest that would kick in would be April 1st.
6. Yes - this means I don't even get to do the follow up dental appointment for 3 weeks, because I know I don't have the pocket change to afford a root canal or an extraction with hardware installed. [sigh]
7. ON THE PLUS SIDE - hey wow! That mouthwash really works! By killing the bacteria in my mouth the swelling in my gum line has been drastically reduced - thus less pressure on the open nerve endings and less pain overall. Still some discomfort, but highly tolerable.
8. Next step in health care is to determine how much I have left of my really necessary meds, and then determine the out of pocket cost for a refill of any of them if necessary.
9. So, knowing that I'm due for a rough March in general, I decided to take my conversion into a yarn slut to the next level. I went to an honest to goodness CRAFT store and bought 7 skeins of cheap yarn.
10. Current knitting projects are a) scarf for the Beloved One, b) Hello Kitty scarf for the Little One, c) Hello Kitty scarf for me, d) a 'real' [grown up] scarf for me.
11. Once the scarves are about done it will be time to delve into the next project which involves re-purposing a pair of Tru-Spec 24-7 Tactical pants. The pants have worn out in places and become unwearable, but the pockets are still useful. I had an idea of using the cargo pocket side for the front of a pillow, while knitting a back piece out of good thick yarn.
12. It was the Lover who pointed out that I could store spare ammo in the cargo pockets of my new throw pillows.
13. Thus, the idea of the 'Tactical Pillow' was born [oh, you bet your ass there will be a Simple Mom blog about that eventually.]
14. After the Tactical Pillows are done - it's time to get really fucking serious and buy a set of the double pointed needles.
15. There will be leg warmers.
16. There may be sox.
17. I also have ideas on re-purposing some denim salvaged from a few dead pairs of jeans. I thought it would make a nice stable 'foot pad' surface for something more slipper sock in variety.
18. So, there will definitely be PINK BUNNY SLIPPER SOX.
19. Lastly... one of the yarns I picked up is a very nice tri-color blue - I'm going to use them to make 'shark' slipper sox for the Beloved One.
20. He said he'd kill me if I did it.

He also said he'd wear them anyway.

Ouchy mouth is... ouchy...

Gah... okay so there is the possibility that I've cracked teeth on both the top and bottom rows of the left side of my mouth.

I also just had my health insurance lapse on me! (joy)

I have an appointment at an emergency dental care place later - we're just focusing on diagnosis and pain management for now. We'll cross the treatment bridge when we get to it.

For now... I've been awake for about 20 hours and I'm going to try to take a short nap before showering and heading out to visit my healer, who will be joining me on tonight's adventure just to keep me reasonably calm.

I have some serious 'White Coat' issues when it comes to dentists.

I'm just posting this around to keep people posted.

Everyone is welcome to send their love, well wishes and hopes for good pain meds.




Condensed Extreme Vanilla...

I can't even begin to describe what that experience was like...

I am so blessed...

When I first met the Beloved One - he and I would send songs back and forth via YouTube. They were sometimes the only way we could communicate the intensity of the emotions we were both feeling.

Recently this one came across my Pandora and I just can't stop listening to it. It takes me back to those first days. Ye Gods, I was so scared. I was in so much pain and here was this person promising that he could make it better. I trusted him, I believed in him, even as terrified as I was that he was just a lie.

But, somehow he got me through it. I mean, we have our rough moments, yeah. Every couple does. But this song is such a perfect example of how and why I fell in love with him.


In other news. Another love of my life who lives across the fucking world from me was able to come over and have dinner with me last night. It has been so long, and I have missed him so much. I'm so grateful to have had the time with him.


AND!! To top it all off - My girlfriends girlfriends girlfriend is in town and I get to meet her for the first time tonight.

I'm just electrified right now! There is just so much love, and comppersioin and even though I have never met this woman and know absolutely nothing about her I've got this total NRE thing going on. My girlfriends girlfriend and I are so much alike in so many ways. I really just TRUST her taste in women. I mean, of the people that are the most proximal in her life I'm deeply in love with one and I'm in total twitterpation crush land with the other. So if she loves this girl too - than she's got to be pretty wonderful in her own right.

The best part about this is that I've never been given any indication that these feelings aren't okay. Everyone pretty much knows how I feel and that I have absolutely no expectations whatsoever. I just love to be a loving human being, and to be around people who are so worthy of receiving that unconditional adoration.

Some of the best moments in my life over the last few months have been over good conversation, cuddling and bad movies.

I'm so blessed.

My life is heaven right now.

Please watch this!

And yes ebongreen , I'm talking to you most of all. This particular performance makes me dance around my entire apartment liken Kenzi in crystal methamphetamine:


As You Are, So May I Be:

Blessed are You, Beloved,
Who shows me the Way
and accompanies me on the journey.
May I live the day's unfolding with
compassion and foster faith in
the One who is All.

Enveloped in Your Light,
may I be a beacon to those in search of Light.
Sheltered in your Peace,
may I offer shelter to those in need of peace.
Embraced by your Presence,
so may I be present to others.

Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro

I don't mind the pain...

Life is suffering... suffering is caused by attachment... my apologies to my mentor in this because I can't remember the rest at the moment and right now I don't care.

Some attachments are WORTH the pain!


Everyone clear on that?



Allow me to clarify.

Sometimes, as much as it sucks, pain is what shapes us and makes us stronger. The same mentor who attempted to teach me the other two out of the four above has also taught me a lot about the Holy 2x4.

Hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. But, out of that hurt and the resounding introspection, lessons are learned and new levels of enlightenment are achieved.

I've suffered enough in my time to know that some connections are worth that. They're worth the knowledge, the experience, the joyous rushing highs and the cataclysmic crushing lows. I've endured more painful firestorms than this... I've always survived and I've learned to trust my sense of survival.

I've learned to trust UP. My mentor taught me that as well.

I see the divine engaged in back swing, and all I can say is this:

"Bring it on bitch. I can take it."


Yes, I'm in a mood tonight.
You know me and my crazy cooking experiments, but you hopefully also know that sometimes I like to really explore traditional ethnic foods and find out if I have the culinary skills to make them happen.

A few months ago, I made a text book perfect Corned Beef and Cabbage. I had only ever tried it once before when I was in a corporate lunch line on a particular St. Patty's day... The Beloved One is one of those really traditional, raised Catholic, Scotch Irish Boys - he still has family in Ireland. His grandmother used to make awesome Corned Beef and Cabbage ( he says ) - I asked him what she would have thought of it and received the response that the only critique I would have used was that I didn't start it with any booze.


OKAY! So, quick side track. I have diligently worked my way through snobbery of various sorts - becoming not worldly in my tastes but exploring different things to discover what I like, and what works for me.

This started in my very early years with tea. I now know enough about my tastes in tea to know that I love a good cup of scented black - I favor Earl Grey and Rose. I'm still looking for a good source on Scottish Breakfast.

Since encountering the Beloved One - I have extended my knowledge to Chocolate, Cheese, Coffee and Wine.

About a month or so ago, I decided it was time for the next phase in my exploration. I decided it was time for me to identify my tastes in hard liquor. By consulting various experts I know who enjoy such things - I decided to start with Brandy... it was okay - I learned quickly about the different grades of brandy, how they are rated and what I should be getting out of them...

Next up was Whiskey. I wound up with a liter of Jameson. Little did I know, this is the 'Family Drink' of the Beloved One's kin. If they gather for any reason, toast to anything, celebrate anything... it is ALWAYS with Jameson.

I tried it... and OMG! YUM!!!

From there I progressed to Glenfiddich Scotch - 18 year old. It was smooth... but it didn't move me the way that the Jameson did. Next I tried a Blackberry Brandy and um... put nicely... that was a MISTAKE!! I now have nearly a liter of something I can't even go near - but I think I'll use it for baking in anything that calls for brandy - like a fruit cake or something. If anyone has ideas - feel free to pass them along.

So... I know it already - Right now Jameson is my preferred - I will continue to explore, looking for something that could top Jameson... But, I have my doubts... The Beloved One comes from exceptional breeding stock, they wouldn't be loyal to something that didn't deserve my loyalty as well.


Okay, slowly coming back... A few nights ago I was about to do my traditional 'I have had a rough week and need to relax' candle lit bath with a bottle of wine.

Wine suddenly tastes disgusting to me. Plus, Whiskey is more economical anyway... I can get as much relaxation out of one bottle of whiskey, vs about 4 bottles of good wine that is similarly priced. That's just a wise financial decision in my book.


AND we're back!

For a while now, Borscht has been on my list of recipes to explore.

After reading several expert recipes of different varieties - I decided that they were all to damn complicated. However, I've progressed enough as a cook that I was still able to develop an understanding of the ingredients and what effect they were supposed to have on the final product.

I didn't want to go through hours of preparation shredding beef, pork, beets, and chopping leeks, celery, onion... figuring out the right proportion of peppercorns, etc.

But, this is what I DID do (be warned, it's oddball):

5 qt dutch oven - heat at medium high.
one bottle of GOOD Merlot.
2 lbs deli shaved roast beef - cut, so it would resemble shredding.
Beef Soup Base, to compensate for the fact that I the meat was pre-cooked.
5 cans of small, whole beets. I used the kind that's packed with nothing but water and salt. No other nitrates or preservatives, so the liquid from the cans went in the pot.
I sliced the beets as thinly as I could.
One large red onion.
Some Montreal Steak Seasoning.
One bag of Broccoli Cole Slaw.

I left it on the heat and let the flavors mix for a while... I just tried a small sample bowl.

Holy shit!

I have no idea if this is what Borscht is supposed to taste like, but whatever I did - it's GOOD.

HEH, not only that - I got a tiny bit tipsy off of it! It appears the alcohol hasn't burned off yet - and might not. LOL. I rock.